When my eldest daughter
Aimee was in second grade,
she wanted to sign up for a
basketball camp sponsored by
the city parks department: but
only if her friends signed up
too.
Her attitude: What fun could it possibly be
without friends?
Six years later, her younger sister Elisa
excitedly signed up for the same 2nd grade camp.
But when asked if she wanted her best friend to sign
up with her, she responded, “Um, no, not this time.”
She wanted to learn the sport itself. Worried that
her exuberant friend might distract her, she asked,
“Can we have other play dates instead?”
Her attitude: What fun is it to learn a new
sport if you can’t concentrate on it?
Differences between my two girls were apparent
very early on. Both were high-energy from
birth on (both ran at 10 months old, quit naps early,
whew!), yet Aimee as a toddler ran pell-mell, helterskelter,
toward whatever caught her fancy. She joyfully
burned energy like a wind-up toy that keeps
going, and going, and going until it finally drops.
Elisa has always liked to be on the move too,
but in a more calm and coordinated way, planning
physical movements with precision and seriousness.
She wasn’t much more than two years old when she
developed a routine with our footrest: a headstand,
back-arch combo she practiced over, and over, and
over again to get just right. At age three she watched
the Olympic Games on television and began calling
an old bike parade ribbon her “gold medal.”
I’ve realized over the past 21 years of childraising
that personality differences can be detected
very early on, and that those differences tend to stick
with a child and impact many life choices. When
choosing sports activities, it helps to consider not
only about a child’s physical abilities, but also what
emotionally energizes and motivates that child.
Aimee, now in high school, still prioritizes relationships
over physical skills, choosing occasional
sports for exercise and companionship. She even
jokes about making T-shirts for her bench-warming
buddies. Elisa, going into Jr. High next year, still
approaches sports in a goal-oriented way. Our son
(now in college) was both social and competitive
instead of being at opposite ends of the spectrum, as
his sisters are. Yet with all three kids we discovered
that personality differences could affect not just
motivations and commitments but also interactions
with teammates.
Some positive personality traits are often
accompanied by other traits, which can be
problematic on the field, court, or track. A talkative,
energetic, optimistic and playful player may at
times be disorganized and impulsive. An organized,
analytical, high-achieving, responsible player may
become too detail-focused or over-concerned about
fairness. A player who is sensitive to the needs of
others may at times play with too much timidity.
And a natural-born leader, quick to take charge, may
be short on humility or the ability to team play.
Recognizing personality differences and
discussing them with your own child may help
him or her work through sports-related decisions
or problems or be more patient with others. It may
also help you decide how much time a child should
devote to that sport. If you sign him or her up for
a short-term camp for a sport that does not come
naturally nor comfortably to him, that may give that
child a chance to practice new skills and help build
self-confidence. However, a yearlong commitment
to a competitive sport which does not utilize your a
child’s personality strengths, or runs counter to his
motivations, may ultimately cause frustration.
It took some degree of personal insight for
my second-graders to stop and think about their
motivations for signing up for camp. Consider your
own child’s strengths and weaknesses, ask his or her
motivation for playing, make sports commitments
clear to that child, and you will together end up
choosing sports activities that are most rewarding.
Laurie Winslow Sargent is the author of
Delight in Your Child’s Design (Tyndale), The Power
of Parent-Child Play (Winepress) and a contributor
to six additional books, including the newly released Chicken Soup for the Tea Lover’s Soul (HCI).
Sargent, a freelance magazine article writer
and writing instructor since 1988, spoke recently at
the Cedar Falls Christian Writers’ Workshop at Riverview
Conference Center.
Readers can find book excerpts, contact the author,
or download a free mini-poster on the ABCs of
personality traits at www.ParentChildPlay.com.
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